she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
