He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
