So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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