I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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