Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
