My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
