i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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