hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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