rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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