giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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