and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
