yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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