did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
