I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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