my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
