whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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