I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
