I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
