I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You dont lie about slip and slides
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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