I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Even my vagina gasped.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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