i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
