you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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