I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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