so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
