tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
