i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
