Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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