Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
