sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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