i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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