hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
