apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
