By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
