Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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