When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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