alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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