Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
