i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
