i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
