Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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