GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
