I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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