32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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