Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
