My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
