This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
