yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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