My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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