So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
