So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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