Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
