I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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