I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
