I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
