What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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