I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
