I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
