Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize