Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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