are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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