the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
