She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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