my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
