apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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