He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
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I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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