Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
