we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
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I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
why is half of my head shaved?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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