MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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