Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
