so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
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She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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