Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
